If all I’m doing is fighting my brain, then I have zero room for anything else.
It’s hard to return to something, like writing a blog, that you’ve been away from for a while. Especially when the world is on fire.
I’m back to a common battle for me: the line between indulgence (true self-care) and laziness (false self-care).
Living in the limbo of having identified an obstacle but not yet having the tools to address it.
I want to understand why my brain is wired in such a way that feeling appreciation, gratitude, pride, celebration is so fleeting. But, I don’t want to turn that understanding into another way I can criticize myself.
We are surrounded with messages about making our lives easier, being more productive and organized and efficient. There is a fix for everything, so why shouldn’t there be a fix for my own brain seeming to stand in my way?
Making decisions based on all the factors, wanting to carefully consider options and not just jump head-first into an option before checking the depth of the water, this isn’t a bad skill to have. The anxiety appears when I skip over the line from functional to distressing.
The way I like to think about it, isn’t about my suffering or lack thereof. It’s that collectively, there is a sharing of the suffering that allows humanity to survive.
That saying, when you only have a hammer, everything becomes a nail? When you only have an anxious, ruminating mind, everything becomes a problem to solve.
Despite everything, it’s still possible to feel bored simply because what we’re waiting for hasn’t happened yet.