If the bars I set for myself turn into expectations, then no wonder I can’t celebrate clearing them. And even if I set the bar really high for myself (which I know I do), then anything less becomes a failure. It means I define failure as anything less than the absolute best. It means I define success as doing what is expected of me. There is no room for celebration in that equation.
Above all, I was sad for the woman who finds it hard to have compassion for herself and truly believe that she doesn’t need to be fixed.
As time passes, we can either hold onto what’s comfortable and avoid changing, or we can let it shape and change us. Sometimes, it happens so subtly, that it takes a milestone of twenty years to force us to look back in amazement at how far we’ve come in that time.
Taking the oars back from my chattering monkey brain, and directing where I want to go.
balancing feeling protected with feeling restricted
The thing about self-trust that feels difficult, is as soon as I start to think about it, self-doubt creeps in and I second-guess myself - should I even trust myself in this? Who do I think I am, what am I even doing, being creative, speaking my truth?
It’s a simple equation, though: discomfort = growth. As is unknown = scary.
For as much as I like to tell myself that I don’t care what other people think, that I have a fierce independent streak and stubbornness that I can take care of myself and need to be able to do what I want to do, I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m being watched.
They said writing would be hard. They forgot to mention editing.