The entire battle of perfectionism is that it sets up an impossible conflict: being perfect versus real life. Real life will win every time.
The perfectionist wants to skip over that emotional detour. To enter into fix-it mode, to say, “Pull yourself together, now is the time to help, to be extra productive!” This vulnerability is not a detour. It is a necessary pit stop along the way.
My commitment is to keep with the monthly theme of vulnerability and trust. As I think about those concepts in the context of the worldwide pandemic, I wonder what they may have to do with the intense anger, the nearly obsessive indignation and self-righteousness, that I feel.
Because we’re all so vulnerable, it means we have to put more trust in each other to take care of the collective. Because of this added trust, we become even more vulnerable to the actions of others.
If I can find the words here, and put them out into the world, I know that I have the words to say. If I can say them here, I can say them out loud, to the people in my life.
The shadow makes it hard to do anything, let alone be curious about why it’s hard to do anything. It knows that the minute I start questioning its existence, it will lose power and fade away. It pushes me so deeply into the swirl of everything, that it’s hard to separate myself from the shadow.
My childhood nickname was "lollygagger" My blog started out as a regular practice for me to both quell my latent lollygagger by establishing momentum in my writing and to indulge my lollygagger side by slowing down enough to notice my inner self. My lollygagger self is always framed by anxiety and depression. Instead of hiding… Continue reading Who is the Latent Lollygagger?