Knowing my guilt is relational—that is, that it happens in the context of people and relationships and the judgment I perceive them having of me—has been a blessing and a curse (as are most adulthood, therapy-induced revelations).
Author: Erin M. Bank
Writer, author, curator of The Bank of Erin
Latent Lollygagger: Marriage
Detaching the wedding from the marriage was a key turning point for me.
Latent Lollygagger: Success
What defines success? Is it an image of it projected to the outside world, or an internal sense of fulfillment?
Latent Lollygagger: Choice
We all have choices to make in life. But before we can make a choice, we need to have options from which to choose.
Latent Lollygagger: Career
We go around asking each other about our careers all the time. It’s the ultimate small talk question: “What do you do?” Our culture emphasizes these roles as part of our capitalist machine: career implies a place in society, a person whose role in production and output fits into a tidy little noun. I’d much rather know what you’re passionate about, what you look forward to doing, what you’d do for free.
Words
A list of words that have, for me, changed in meaning and significance over my life. I'll be exploring these in blog posts in 2021. loyaltystudentemployeecareerchoicewomangoodforgivetrustfaithgodcitizenwhiteyoungorganizedlazysuccessfulproductivehumandevoteddisciplinewrongrightsmartintelligenteducatedcapitalismmoneyhealthentitlementhard workmeritbodystrengthpatriotAmerican Dreamwelfareracismsocialismdeservepridefeministpatriarchypoliticsfeminine gendersexsexualitygaystraightmarriagedaughtersistermothergriefguiltshameangerfearcouragerespectobedienceempathysympathybravefamesatisfactionworkfulfillmentsanecrazycontrolvulnerabilitypassionpermissionstructureroutinebossyambition
Latent Lollygagger: Normal
This is all about setting our expectations: this is the one thing we can individually control for ourselves. Expecting the world to jump back to how it was is a futile exercise. It might seem comforting, but it’s delusional, and will lead to disappointment that always comes when expectations are not in line with reality.
Latent Lollygagger: Words of a Day
I do not have words for today. Or rather, mine aren't the ones that are important.
Latent Lollygagger: New Expectations
During a pandemic, during a coup, are we equipped to reset expectations and allow each other to process loss and challenge?
Latent Lollygagger: Compassion
Compassion allows me to separate myself from these tendencies and reframe my motivation as understanding myself—being curious—rather than fixing myself. Compassion allows me to remember that I and everyone else are doing the best we can with what we have, and that there is no binary right and wrong.
