change, random thoughts, relationships, running, San Francisco

The voices in my head.

Thoughts from today’s run (10 in 1:24:37)

1. I love how a morning rain makes everything clean, even the sunlight.

2. I should probably slow down a bit, I want to have a strong run but I also have a half on Sunday that I want to do well in so it’s a good indicator of my fitness.

3. Finding out you’ve been lied to has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.

4. Why is it that not even lying is simple: that the act of lying does not necessarily negate the situation and reasoning behind it? Not that it’s EVER right, but it’s never black and white, either.

5. Seriously, slow down, legs. Heart.

6. I think people in San Francisco have a harder time with the “walk right, pass left” concept than New Yorkers do, and they’re pretty bad. That, and the inability to realize your dog doesn’t consider its leash; therefore, if you’re on one side of the path and the dog is on the other side with the leash extending in between, it is YOUR job, not your dog’s, to solve this problem.

7. I exiled myself from Facebook in order to let my own voice be heard in my head, and not so many others. It has less to do with anyone externally and more to do with the fact that I get sucked in and it becomes a black hole of my time and energy. It’s very freeing, in fact. Not that I don’t find other distractions, but I have felt more productive in the last 2 days than I have in the last 2 weeks in a lot of ways. Because I’m back in control. (Although, I forgot what settings I have on here, it might automatically post to FB. In which case, if you comment on FB, I won’t see it until I decide to return. So comment on the blog itself if you have something to tell me 🙂 )

8. I’ve been doing really well with the no-dessert-no-weekday-drinking rule (it’s actually pretty easy if you’re poor), but I think the emotional eating I’ve been doing of late has probably counteracted all the good it’s done me.

9. I didn’t have this thought on my run, but later in the day, as I was walking along the beach as the sun was going down, listening to the waves and feeling them enter my soul, that all I’ve got is me. All I can count on is me and my own judgement and my own goals and desires. Despite everything, I don’t think I’ve done a bad job so far – I actually trust myself to lead me in the right direction and do what I know I need to do to make me happy. That is the voice I need to reconnect with. And it feels good. Not that other people aren’t involved in me listening to that voice (I’m not becoming a hermit and I do need my friends and family more than ever), but it feels good to have a lot of “me time” right now.

10. If i didn’t have a half on Sunday, I probably wouldn’t be done running.

4 thoughts on “The voices in my head.”

  1. The voices in your head are pretty smart. Listen to them. I am sorry someone lied to you. It probably won't be the last time. What I have learned (took me a while), is that while you can't control that, you can control how you react to it and whether you let them do it again.

    Hope the waves brought you some peace.


  2. Wow Erin– I think you and I are sharing a brain today, it's almost scary. I too have decided to go on a Facebook diet because I discovered someone lied to me based on something I saw there, but it was not a black and white situation and basically only made me act/feel like a crazy person with no real positive outcome. And I too have realized lately that I only have myself, and I have to follow my own heart, which lately has led me to take some scary leaps, and subsequently feel like I'm crawling out on a branch by myself. But your words remind me that I CAN trust myself and my judgement, and I need to remember that I haven't really led myself astray yet…

    Erin, thanks for sharing your life with us and letting us have a peek at the good and the bad. You've always been a running inspiration to me, but you are an amazing example of strength and bravery as well. I'm going to follow your lead!


  3. GLO – you're such a strong woman and I so know that you can trust yourself to get you to where you need to be. Thank you for letting me know you're listening, and it's always nice to know there's someone else out there going through the same kind of scary, unsettling situations. xoxoxo


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