my mom, random thoughts, recovery, running, San Francisco

Posting while hungry.

20 for today’s 20 in 2:38.35

1. I am totally jazzed about my run today. It is the best MP run I can ever remember having. Ever. I averaged 7:24 for 12 miles, including my typical slow start. Splits, for those who care: 7:36, 7:26, 7:27, 7:29, 7:18, 7:20, 7:18, 7:20, 7:25, 7:21, 7:22, 7:20)

2. I wouldn’t say the MP miles were comfortable, exactly – and they’re certainly not supposed to be. But they felt good, in that “I’m running fast and hard but I don’t want to die” kind of a way. There were even a few times I looked down and saw 6:xx on my Garmin and had to rein myself in a bit.

3. I was only supposed to do 17 miles. But I did 20. I had planned on a 2-mile cool down, but tagged on 3 extra to make it an even 20. Because of juggling with Reach the Beach and trying to get this MP run in, I had lost a 20+ run along the way. And, if I end up doing a tune-up half marathon next weekend, that blows my chance there for another long run. I’ll do 22 3 weeks out as my last pre-taper run, but it’s always nice to get in another 20-miler. The 12-week Pfitz program is so compact that there’s not a lot of room for too many long runs, especially with all the MP workouts. For me, long runs are more a mental game than anything else, telling my body it can be out there for hours so that during the race, I know what 20 miles feels like. Granted, after 9 marathons, I’ve done 20+ miles a few times, but I think they’re still a huge part of training.

4. I better make these list items shorter if I ever hope to get through 20.

5. I totaled up my mileage for the week: 85.7-a new PR. I don’t feel like I’ve run if-I-round-up 90 miles. And they weren’t slow miles – they included a tempo run and today’s MP run. I don’t know what I expected – but my legs certainly aren’t ready to fall off.

6. I’m sure it helps that I can make sleep and recovery and rest a priority. 8 hours per night, making sure I’m fueling and not running around like a crazy person all day – things that I hate as a person but love as a runner.

7. On that note, I’m trying to make my days a bit more structured. A week has passed since I’ve landed in my San Fran nest, and it’s amazing how the days just pass if I’m not careful.

8. I’m not exactly making myself a tight schedule, but I have been writing out a list of the times during the day I want to focus on the job search, on my editing gig, on internet-time-wasting, on running, on making sure I get out of the house and explore where I am. It’s helped over the past couple days.

9. I’m also making it a goal to write in my journal 30 minutes first thing in the morning, as I’m drinking my coffee and eating my peanut butter toast. This was a suggestion by my mom – aren’t moms the best for knowing you sometimes better than you know yourself and what will help you?

10. She suggested it when we were talking after I found out that I didn’t get the job I had interviewed for out in Boston. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t a devastating piece of news. I had other nibbles, it’s not like I HAD to have THAT job, but rejection is rejection, even if I know academically speaking that it wasn’t personal, yada yada yada.

11. It got me questioning if I’m qualified enough for the jobs I’m looking for, and how to best re-focus my search with a new angle to get my foot in the door. I haven’t given up, even though part of me wanted to just say “fuck it” and apply at a running store or something, but after a few pointed career-oriented phone calls with people in the biz on Friday morning, I’m feeling re-energized and re-focused.

12. So, while it wasn’t exactly a melt-down, it was definitely a “call your mother” moment. It’s amazing how things can snowball from a rejection I really wasn’t surprised about into finding myself thinking about the fact that I can’t answer the “where do you see yourself in 5 years” question. Not even a little bit.

13. And maybe that’s ok. Or maybe I have to be ok with that. There have been many times throughout my life when I thought I knew the answer to that question, and my life now certainly doesn’t resemble what I thought. And I don’t feel bad about that at all. So, maybe it’s ok not to have the answer when the answer is meaningless, anyway.

14. I have found myself thinking a lot about my friends scattered across the country and the world. And how I’m not always the best at being in touch and keeping up on emails and phone calls and everything. I never have been, which is strange, because I’ve always had friends all over the place. I know part of what makes my good friends so dear to me is that we can go a long time without speaking and then once we do, it feels like no time has passed at all. But I shouldn’t take that for granted and have that be the norm. It’s hard for me to reach out sometimes, or to realize how much time has passed since the last email – so I’m officially apologizing and wanting to do better šŸ™‚

15. I’m hungry.

16. I get to have a fancy-schmancy dinner tonight with two amazing couples and one amazing lady. I’ve met some pretty terrific people through running and I’m looking forward to spending the evening wining and dining and laughing!

17. Um, so, 4 more things to say. Did I mention I’m hungry?

18. Oh, my no-sweets, no-weekday-drinking thing is making the scale move in a fabulous direction. Even with a couple of cheats along the way!

19. Oh! Yesterday I got myself on the bus and trekked to Chinatown and North Beach for an afternoon of aimless wandering. I love exploring new places this way – I think after living in NYC, I realize the best way to get to know a city is to just wander. No guidebooks, no destination, just pick a neighborhood and go. I found myself in the middle of the Chinese markets, where, as in NYC, I felt like I had been transported to China. North Beach had restaurants and shops galore, and felt vibrant and happy. I see myself heading back again and again. But of course, there were other neighborhoods I saw from the bus window that also beckon! Not to mention my own little world around the apartment.

20. Ok, this is really ridiculous. I thought I could make it until dinner, but I need a snack.

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